Connectivity: noun – a computer buzzword that refers to a program or device’s ability to link with other programs and devices.
You would not believe the terrific ideas I get for blog posts. They pop into my brain almost in their entirety: ideal sentences–whole paragraphs even–fluid, funny, complete, no need for editing, no struggling to find perfect words because they’re already there. Do these brainwaves occur while I’m sitting at my computer, hot coffee at the ready, fingers hovering expectantly over the keyboard? No. They arrive, unbidden, at completely inopportune times, such as when I’m lathered in the shower or merging onto an 8-lane highway. There’s no way of jotting my genius down then–it’s too wet or dangerous or even illegal to pull out a pad or keyboard and focus on writing–and by the time I do get to it, the ideas may be just shadows of their original brilliance.
So I thought, wouldn’t it be great if I had a memory card in my head? I could just install the ConnectivityBlog program and all my great ideas would transfer instantly onto the card. I’d take it out and pop it into my laptop at the end of the day and presto, I’d be done.
But I quickly realized that this seemingly simple concept would never work, because the program designers wouldn’t stop there. Soon there would be ConnectivityPro, Advanced, Deluxe, Ultimate, and numbers 1 through 7. In short order the program would have advanced so far beyond a simple, helpful tool for writers that the arrival of ConnectivitySecurity would allow Big Brother to insert his own card into my brain at the airport and do a search for any bad thoughts I may harbour about airplanes, airports and airport security.
I can picture it now. The day I’m to leave on the Big Trip I’ve been looking forward to for over twelve months, my card reader won’t work. “No getting on the plane without a scan,” says Airport Security. “But, but, it worked this morning!” I stutter, “I just downloaded my last post two hours ago! Try again!” No, they won’t try again, but there is a computer repair shop in the airport if I’d like to try getting my card reader fixed in time to still make the flight. If? I’ve been saving for a year for this non-refundable trip! I’ve never had a bad thought about airport security in my life—this isn’t fair!
So I race to the computer repair store which is, of course, in another terminal a monorail ride, four escalators and two sets of stairs away. After paying five times the normal repair rate, the card reader is declared fixed and I sprint back to the departure area, arriving sweaty and breathless with four minutes to spare until the gates close. But now I have another serious problem, because now I am having bad thoughts about airport security. … It would be a nightmare.
But wouldn’t ConnectivityBlog be handy?