The Wednesday Word – Naive

Naive: adjective – having or showing a lack of experience, judgment, or information

A co-worker is expecting her first child soon. She’s made a point of having her business magazines and journals rerouted to her home because she “might finally have the time to read them” and, she told me, has a vision of returning to work a better employee, caught up on all the latest business news. In fact, she’s mentioned several time-consuming chores she plans on accomplishing with the oodles of free time she’ll soon be enjoying. Uh huh. The moms who know her have been polite in their responses, which is to say, we’ve saved our hearty laughter for behind her back. It’s been a long while since there was a newborn in my house, but having time to do things for myself that I couldn’t achieve when there were just two adults living here is not how I remember the first months of motherhood.

Sure, I’ve heard tales of babies who started sleeping through the night when they were three days old (although I don’t recall if I heard those stories from parents or if I’m thinking of an episode of Tales of the Unexpected). Maybe this baby will sleep for hours on end, smile whenever she’s awake, and generally be undemanding. Maybe every picture taken will be of a well-rested, even-tempered, beaming mom and child, and maybe cheerful, singing mice and birds will help mom tidy the nursery.

Then again, maybe mom will have backed the car out of the driveway one morning, after a particularly rough night when baby was up every couple of hours, before she realizes that she’s still in her pyjamas–not that the other bleary-eyed moms at the Baby and Me class would care.

Maybe mom will find that the ridiculous antics and goofy faces that made baby laugh hysterically one day make her cry hysterically the next, as she realizes that somewhere a village is missing its idiot and wonders why it has to be her mom.

Maybe baby will indulge in a 24-hour TV viewing marathon, marred only by the occasional 45-minute nap, before finally succumbing to deep, coma-like sleep just minutes before mom’s cousin Minerva arrives with the family to meet her. Baby’s refusal to acknowledge the guests after their two hour drive, never mind coo sweetly, is unfortunate (“What a sound sleeper,” Minerva exclaims, “You’re so lucky!”), but mom’s cousin insists on a picture anyway, so a family photo is taken featuring impeccably presented Minerva smiling brightly through her disappointment; mom, decidedly droopy, with bloodshot eyes that can’t be helped by any red-eye reduction feature; and baby, a snoring sack of potatoes with lolling head and drool dribbling drown her chin. It’s a real keeper.

My co-worker will soon learn that despite her best-laid plans, baby will be in charge from the moment she arrives. It won’t matter though, because another thing expectant mom can’t know yet is the incomparable joy that the birth of a baby brings. She won’t miss her business magazines at all.

Other words and phrases that may apply to this situation: delusional, amusing, good luck with that

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