I asked a friend how her weekend had been and she responded “I was so angry at one point! I went to Future Shop …”. Uh huh. I knew exactly what she was going to say because I’ve been there and experienced the same phenomenon that she did. When women of a certain age enter Future Shop electronics stores, they become invisible. Yes, I said invisible: hidden, unseen, imperceptible to the eye of a human sales clerk. If it had only happened to one woman at one store, I would have just believed it to be rude sales staff at that location ignoring the woman. But when it happens at different stores to different women, there’s only one logical conclusion: a nasty curse has been placed on the entire chain of stores that renders middle-aged women undetectable. The curse can be broken by getting a sales clerk to look you directly in the eye, but that’s easier said than done. If you are determined to shop at Future Shop anyway, here are some suggestions that may help you to receive some attention.
1. To indicate your genuine intent to buy, sing “money, money, money, money” while dancing down the aisle throwing real bills into the air. The other customers will no doubt turn to stare at you, causing the sales clerk to also look your way and accidentally make eye contact. Considering that young employees are generally unfamiliar with the concept of actual cash though, this ploy may be ineffective even if they can see you. Still, singing “debit, debit, debit, debit” while waving your card around just doesn’t have the same pizzazz.
2. Set up signs in front of the store entrance saying Mature Women’s Day and post a couple of your friends there to stop anyone not fitting that category from entering the store while you shop. With no other customers to distract them you may be able to get the staff’s attention, although you might still only be visible in a semitransparent, shimmering sort of way.
3. Wrestle a sales clerk to the floor and sit on his chest until he looks you in the eye. While definitely the most satisfying solution, remember that the young man won’t initially be able to see who is forcing him to the ground and, in his terror, he may put up quite a struggle. Plus, the police, who can always see you, normally frown on this type of action.
4. Have a coven of witches, fairies, gypsies and everyone else you feel might be helpful join you at the entrance to your local store on a busy Saturday afternoon and work together to try to lift the curse forever. Do it for the benefit of middle-aged women everywhere who have money to spend and would like to blow it on electronics.
If none of those options work out, do what my friend and I did and take your business elsewhere.